To my step-son

I met you when you had just turned four years old.  I was introduced to you by your father and he asked that you call me “Miss Jones”.  I would have asked you to call me by my first name,  but it wasn’t up to me.  It was the first, but not the last time that decisions affecting you and me would not be up to me. 

You were delightful in your love of Scooby Doo and Matchbox cars.  We became fast friends playing “car show”, lining up the cars by color and type and showing them off to your father when he had finished cooking dinner for the three of us.  You and I became fast friends over tossing and kicking the ball in the yard.  We hid under a blanket and pretended to be aliens landing upon an unsuspecting planet Earth. 

I fell in love with you as surely as I fell in love with your Dad, albeit in entirely different ways. 

When your Dad proposed marriage to me some two years later, I enthusiastically accepted.  My first thought was of how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of my life with the man I so loved and cherished and enjoyed.  My second thought was how delighted I would be to watch you grow, to be a part of your life forever, and to help your Dad raise you to be the fabulous man you would certainly be. 

Not once did it enter my mind that my role in your life would be the subject of such debate and conflict. 

I have now been your stepmother for over six years.  I have watched you grow from a young child to nearly a teenager.  I have watched with interest and with love.  But I have watched from a sideline that was put in place not by you or by me, but by others who feel that I should maintain an “outsider” view of you. 

It does not change the way I feel about you.  It does, however, change your experience of me.  No longer do we share exchanges like the car show.  We merely co-exist in the same house and find our moments of connection from time to time. Not nearly often enough, but more often than some would hope.

I hope for a time in your life when you and I will once again connect without your feeling the risk of danger.  I look forward to meeting your girlfriends who might need my perspective.  I long for a day when you and I can once again openly enjoy one another’s company and even love one another without penalty.

Until that day, know that I care, know that I think about you and your needs, know that I am still…to this day…grateful to watch you grow and be a part of your life.   

I would put together a wicked car show if I thought that you might join in.  I am wise enough to know that the time has passed.  I am also wise enough to know that some day..we will once again find common ground.  I welcome that day. 


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